She's JV to your varsity
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
