You're completely useless in the revolution.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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