i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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