it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
