so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
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I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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