I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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