he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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