she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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