I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
