Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
