I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
