I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
