drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Randomize
