I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
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