drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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