I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
