I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
He uses pillows to masturbate.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
