The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
