you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
