My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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