My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them