The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
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So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
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Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.