he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on