not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
do you believe in love at first sight?
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
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I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
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My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.