she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.