Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
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So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
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I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
My vagina is officially offended.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.