Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.