I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.