One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor