I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
