LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
