final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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