why didn't you poke me back
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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