Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Vodka?
Forever.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
