He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
