Please, let me fuck your mom
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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