my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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