Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
