you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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