is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
this hospital has no fireball
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
