hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
