White coat. Heels.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
