This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
