ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
