So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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