Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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