I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
