ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
