She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
