i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
