I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
My dick has a subreddit
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
