Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
