That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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