So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
