Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
