my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
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