"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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