Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
17 year olds will be the death of me.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
