You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
