she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
