i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
