I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
