I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
