do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
