I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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