Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
