That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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