are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
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i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
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Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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