You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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