Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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