i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
