Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
