I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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