Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
