Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize