You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
