this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
