how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
