There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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