you guys were way drunker than both of me
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
