i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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