just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
