I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
