and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
