she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
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It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I will pee on everything he values.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
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I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
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