Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
