You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
