dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
